 CHASTITY
FOR SINGLE WOMEN MORE FULFILLING THAN FREE LOVE?
THE THRILL OF THE CHASTE |
A few years ago,
rock historian Dawn Eden experienced a dramatic conversion
to Christ. Through a new book, The Thrill of the Chaste:
Finding Fulfillment While Keeping your Cloths On, she
aims to convince other single women that chastity is more
fulfilling than free love. What follows are several
excerpts.
“Through
chastity – and only through chastity – can all the graces
that are part of being a woman come to full flower in you.
In other words, it’s not about how you meet men.
It’s about who you are when you meet men. Take care
of the ‘who,’ and the ‘how’ will take care of itself.”
How do you
think premarital sex affects marriage? With premarital
sex, the act that is supposed to be bringing two people
closer to one another ends up being the thing that pulls
them apart. When you’re being as physically intimate as you
can possible be with another person, and you know that
person can just walk out, then you have to build a wall and
harden yourself to prepare for the possible break. Even if
you do get married later, you will have the added work of
taking down those walls, because you can’t sustain a
marriage with harness of heart and lack of vulnerability.
This is one of the reasons why the divorce rate is so much
higher when couples cohabitate before marriage.
How do you
think premarital sex affects men? In my opinion, it
seems to make them feel hollow. Many men will get very much
into the romance and the novelty of each new sexual
encounter. But on a deeper level, they seem to be starved
for real emotional intimacy.
What would
you say to those who balk at the Church’s “rules” about
sexual behavior outside of marriage? God knows how we
are made and he knows what will make us happy. His “rules”
about the proper use of sexuality are not there to make our
lives difficult, but exist to help us operate at our
happiest and most fruitful.
A woman
cannot treat sex lightly: “Men with depth quickly
figured out I took sex far too lightly,” she explains in her
book. “Worse, I became so used to viewing myself and
potential partners as objects of physical desire that I
became unable to give of myself.” This tendency to view
oneself and others as objects is particularly harmful, Dawn
believes, and is encouraged by the secular culture, which
relentlessly puts forth the idea that lust is a way station
on the road to love. But having sex “like a man, with no
strings attached” is simply not possible for women.
“Women are built for bonding. We are vessels, and we seek
to be filled. For that reason, sex will always leave us
feeling empty unless we are certain we are loved.”
Saying Yes to
Chastity: Chastity is not strictly sexual abstinence,
though that is part of it. Instead, chastity is saying
yes to the true meaning of sexuality: that we are made
in the image of God and we are to be loved unconditionally
as persons – not treated as objects to be used.
Consequently,
chastity has less to do about sex specifically and more to
do with how we view all of life, Dawn says. Single women in
particular should avoid assessing the attributes of men and
instead try to appreciate them as unique people. She calls
the practice of the virtue of chastity a “vocation” and in
her book, encourages women to integrate it into their daily
lives. “Whether you practice chastity as a single woman or
as a married woman, it bears the same spiritual fruit.”
That fruit is patience, fidelity, and self-mastery. Women
who cultivate these virtues by embracing chastity will
necessarily weed out men not interested in a lasting
commitment. She will also give her marriage the best
possible chance of success.
For more
information on Dawn Eden, go to Misty Mealey’s The NFP
Messenger, April 07 at
www.richmonddiocese.org/nfp.
Click on “diocesan NFP newsletter.”
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